38 years and 1 day old....

Yesterday I turned 38 years old. As with most of my birthdays in recent memory, I already have much of what I want and need. So my presents by in large consist of presents from the kids. B always makes my favorite meal....eggs over medium and biscuits....yummy.

Every year that passes brings more and more realization that not only am I getting older, but I am racing towards an eventual end. When mom passed a few years ago it was the first real wake up call that people are mortal and that everyone will eventually die. We have friends that are starting to show their age by forming cancerous tumors or by having their parents beginning to die. All of this is an indication that whatever time we have left on this earth is short and fleeting.

So like everyone you begin to contemplate three things.....how am I going to die.....when am I going to die and when I do die, what will happen?

I was having a conversation with my Oklahoma sister yesterday about this subject. We were mainly discussing the evilness of cancer and if there was anything anyone could do to help avoid contracting cancer. I have been taking a regiment of a multi-vitamin, vitamins E, C and B-12, Garlic, Selenium, fish oil and green tea extract. All of these are meant to bolster the bodies natural defenses so as to allow it to fight on its own as opposed to having to use drugs when you were sick.

My primary purpose in life at this time is to stay alive as long as possible to allow my kids to grow up with a happy and healthy father. I want to be there to see JHGIII play baseball or whatever he wants to do. I want to be there to see JCG performing in her high school play or whatever she wants to do. I don't want to miss out on giving them lots of hugs and kisses. I want to see them grow up and have kids of their own. I want to help them learn about how important I consider a relationship with God. I want to grow old with B. I want to hold my grandkids on our 50th wedding anniversary. I want to play softball into my 50's. I want to be able to enjoy my retirement.

But mostly what I want is what I hope and trust and believe will happen after I die. I want my mom to be right and all doubters of God to be wrong. I hope.....