Advice to new parents

I recently found out that some friends of mine are expecting their first child. They have said on several occasions that they liked how B and I interacted and dealt with our kids. Which means that they might be calling us when they encounter difficult situations. So I thought I might take a few moments to give them as well as any other soon to be new parents some advice.

#1 - During the pregnancy, husbands remember that your wife is the vessel that God has chosen to create life. Think about that for just a moment. The means that your wife's body can create another human being. How special and wonderful is that? It is so special and wonderful that she will remind you of it when the house isn't clean and she doesn't want to clean it. "Well honey, I would clean the house but I am too busy creating a baby. What are you doing?"

#2 - Becoming parents is the hardest, most frustrating, most humbling, most wonderful and most rewarding task you will ever do in your life.

#3 - If at any moment you do not feel like you would throw yourself in front of a car for your child or if you don't think you child is the brightest, smartest, most beautiful and most talented child on the face of the earth.....then you are doing something wrong. Stop what you are doing, go over to your child and hold them until you do feel that way.

#4 - If you have a boy you will have to decide whether or not you will get him circumcised. This seemingly simple decision is a very confusing one to make. On one hand, this society has deemed it appropriate to cut off skin to comply with "social norms". On the other hand, since it is a "social norm", when little Joey or Billy is with his friends and they are partaking in the common ritual of showing each other their tally whackers, they will not be embarrassed because they are different.

#5 - In the United States, breastfeeding is largely considered to be inappropriate in public and unnecessary. There are reams and reams of data and many many studies that show the incredible benefits of breastfeeding over synthesized formula. There is something to be said about feeding a human being from the same body that nourished it for 9 months. Also (according to my wife, you'll quickly get over the worry about feeding in public when your child is screaming and the only private areas around the fair are porta-potties.

#6 - NO one has it all figured out. Let me state this again for perfect clarity. NO ONE has the parenting gig figured out. EVERYONE makes it up as they go along. Everyday brings a new and exciting challenge. As they get older, the problems only get bigger.

#7 - If your child poops in the bathtub, don't panic. Don't be disgusted in front of your children. Be calm. If they are playing with it, ask them to stop. Open the drain and pray to GOD that you have a good draining tub. Stand your child up, as the water is draining around them, use a cup with warm water to rinse all the excess poop off their body. Keep the child standing so you don't have to sanitize the tub right then. Continue with the rinsing of the child. Use soap at this point to wash your child. I also suggest cleaning their hair JUST IN CASE. Oh and it is probably a good idea to put them on the toilet if you can. You never know, they might not be done.

#8 - Repeat after me....it is only poop, I can always wash my hands. Here is a news flash. Men, you will change many many many diapers over the next few years. Get used to the smell and get used to getting poop and pee on your hands. It's ok, its natural. Just remember that you can always wash your hands afterwards. This goes for those diapers that have leaked when the child is sick and the poop is running into their pant leg and onto the floor. This also goes for the time when they are running around the house naked after bath time and they squat and pee on the floor.

#9 - Life is about balance. If you feel yourself getting angry all the time, it is probably because you are. If you are always angry when you are around your child, they will become angry too. YOU are the one teaching them how to become a person. They will copy what you do far more than they will copy what you say.

#10 - Read to your child. My wife is brilliant for many reasons. One of the reasons is because she knew early on the positive impact reading has on the mental growth of our children. Our children are book fiends.

#11 - NO ONE knows how to raise your child better than you. No one knows the subtleties of your child more than you. You will be able to tell the difference between their cries. When you can't communicate with your child verbally, it is essential that you learn what a hungry cry sounds like as opposed to a bored cry or a full diaper cry.

#12 - You are going to make many many mistakes as a parent. It is unavoidable. We forgot to bring a blanket to a doctor's appointment. This may not seem like much but when your child has to get naked in a cold exam room, you will feel terrible for forgetting a blanket. We lost our 2 year old at a picnic with 200 people standing around. Thankfully nothing happened to him. I thought B was watching him and she didn't realize I had walked off without him.

#13 - This is the most important thing that you must know about becoming a parent. Let's just say that no matter how much you THINK you know how your life is about to change, know this. You don't know squat about how your life is about to be turned upside down. You may have spent a lot of time with kids before in any number of ways (baby sitting, relatives, etc) At night, you have always been able to separate yourself from those children and go home. Go home to your own bed. Go home to your own TV. Go home to a quiet and clean house.

Well that is ALL GONE my friend. You are now entering a world to where YOU are responsible for keeping someone else ALIVE. No one else is going to come pick up the baby and give you a break. You are the only one designated as being the full time guardian and protector of this child. You have to do everything in your power to make their surrounding at home and everywhere you take them, safe.

If you are extremely bothered that you can't sleep in on the weekends because of this child, your priorities are off. If you are extremely bothered that you can't go see as many movies in the theater, your priorities are off. If you are mad because you don't have any time or money to play as much golf, your priorities are off. If you can't buy as many things for yourself and that bothers you or if you ponder and stress over anything that you had to give up because of your new child, then your priorities are off. Your number one priority is that child. If that means you cut your spending or time with your friends or if you don't get to watch as much TV, then that is what you do. Your number one priority in life is that child.

There is so much more I could say. Perhaps I will write another post with my wife helping me. For now, good luck. You are about to be a parent.